Affairs and takeovers but absolutely no secret agendas

Messages from the archive of Rutherford Hall, critical communications strategist

WhatsApp to Stephen: I’m going to send out the office changes memo we discussed. I’ve taken more of the teams that bother to work from the office. With luck, this is structured in a way not to attract attention to your decision to start an affair with the head of our data team.

From: Rutherford@Monkwellstrategy.com

To: all@Monkwellstrategy.com

Hi all, as part of our new year review, Stephen and I have been examining management structures at Monkwell and have concluded it is time to simplify some of our reporting lines. Before I send out the changes, let me stress there is no secret agenda here or any implied criticism of one group or another. This is simply about managing the growing and successful business you’ve all played a part in building!

Up till now, all teams have reported into both of us, with issues handled on an ad hoc basis largely determined by our own workloads. But as our business expands we’ve decided we need to rationalise our time and bring clarity to teams on reporting lines. To that end, we’ve divided up the main teams. Media, retail, transport and healthcare will report to Stephen, while technology, financial services, natural resources, data and government relations will report to me. We’ll be in touch directly with those of you who aren’t part of a larger team or have single-area competence with details of your new reporting lines. This should not directly affect your work, your KPIs (which we will still agree together) or pay and promotion. Do get in touch with any questions. Rutherford

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Find me on Strava, KoM Sydenham Hill, PR London to Brighton 3h 47m

WhatsApp to Jules:  I said in the memo what this is about. Really there’s no more to say.

WhatsApp to Alex: No it’s nothing to do with whether you work from home a lot. I covered the “secret agenda” part when I said there wasn’t one. Jeez, you people.

WhatsApp to PhilJ: Why does it matter how we divvied up the teams? You all report to a founding partner.

WhatsApp to all@monkwell: Enough. When I said get in touch with questions, I meant serious ones. This freedom of information window is now closed.

WhatsApp to Jennifer: No, the reporting lines are not negotiable. What’s the problem?

WhatsApp to Stephen: Why do they all think you are a softer touch on pay and WFH?

WhatsApp to Stephen: Hmm. It’s curious people have formed that view. Are you still set on moving in with Priya? Please think carefully about this.

WhatsApp to Stephen: Sigh. Obviously I hope you’ll be happy. I know Sue throwing you out looks like it made the decision easier but tempers cool.

From: Rutherford@monkwellstratgy.com

To: Martink@volponebank.com

Thanks Martin, that’s great news. Really appreciate it. I don’t know how this will play out but it’s good to know the funding is there. PS: Can you send the docs to my private Gmail. Discretion is key here. Best, Rutherford

Member DCMS Panel on Business and the Metaverse

Find me on Strava, KoM Sydenham Hill, PR London to Brighton 3h 47m

WhatsApp to Stephen: OK mate. If you are speeding towards a divorce, I need to talk to you about something.

WhatsApp to Stephen: No. I’m only talking about, say, 6 or 7 per cent, just enough to make me the majority shareholder. That way I can protect us whatever happens. There’s no secret agenda here. Just think about Sue getting 22.5 per cent of our shares. She might put us in play, she might interfere in our decisions or even try to sack Priya. If I’ve got 51/52 per cent, I can stop these things and protect you both.

WhatsApp to Stephen: Yes, but are we sure her lawyers might not try to trump my pre-emption rights, or force a price I can’t match? This way we are safe whatever happens. It doesn’t have to be 6 or 7, it could be 5.5 per cent. Bottom line, you can sell the shares to me or give them to her. But we need to act before any legal action starts. You can always buy them back later.

WhatsApp to Philk: Thanks Phil, glad you believe me. The reorganisation really should be taken at face value.

WhatsApp to Philk: OK, looks like the email did the trick. I think we got away with it.

WhatsApp to Philk:  Sorry Phil, that was meant to be a message to my wife about a thing at our son’s school. Please ignore.

WhatsApp to Stephen: Er . . . oops.

Messages recovered by Robert Shrimsley